Manifesto

In the labyrinthine corridors of media manipulation, where images are distorted and hot AI-generated women on Instagram are the new standard. Reality is obscured by the veil of deception, we rise as champions of truth like morning wood. We are not mere spectators to the theatre of lies; we are the vanguards of veracity, wielding swords of justice against the tide of falsehoods that threaten to engulf us all.

The saga began with the release of poorly photoshopped images of Kate Middleton and her children, a grotesque distortion of reality that sparked the flames of our righteous indignation. We could not stand idly by as the pillars of truth crumbled before our very eyes like biscuits falling into a cup of tea. We launched a crusade, a relentless campaign to unearth the buried truths hidden beneath layers of deceit. (We still aren’t even sure if The Blair Witch Project was real or not.)

But the depths of deception knew no bounds. Soon, a video emerged on the news, purporting to show Prince William with a woman they claimed was Kate Middleton. Yet, to our keen eyes, we all know ‘them two ain’t even look the same!’. 

The walls of deception were closing in, but we refused to be silenced. We cried out for answers, demanding to know the truth behind the charade!

As whispers of uncertainty swirled in the air, like that bag in American Beauty, speculation ran rampant about the true whereabouts of Kate Middleton. Was she in the hospital? Was she on vacation? Did she go get BBL surgery in Brazil?? NO ONE KNOWS! 

Rumors of her ailing health circulated, shrouded in a cloak of mystery. But we refused to accept the silence of the powers that be. We demanded transparency, accountability, and above all, the unvarnished truth.

IS BLAIR WITCH PROJECT BASED ON FACT?!?

Then, amidst the chaos, came a revelation that shook us to our core. A video surfaced, purportedly showing Kate Middleton herself, speaking with a voice choked with emotion. She revealed the unthinkable: she had cancer. But this was no ordinary cancer, no mere affliction of the body. No, this was something far more Insidious, far more Sinister, far more Malignant. 

"We've been lied to enough!" we cried out in unison. "Where is the truth?" “Is the Blair Witch Project real?!” “What really happened at the end of Inception!?” “What IS string cheese??” “How do magnets work??”

The cancer remained, a silent spectre haunting the halls of power, while the media and the royal family continued to downplay the severity of the situation. But we would not be deceived any longer.

For what Kate Middleton suffers from is not just any cancer. No, this is a DEFCON ZERO Bad Lymphomic Melanoma Super Cancer, a formidable foe unlike anything the world has ever seen. A Super Cancer, a BLM SUPER CANCER! And we refuse to let it be swept under the rug of complacency. This is the same super cancer that killed the Dinosaurs, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Epstein, Diana, and our dearest cat, Fluffles. We wouldn’t lie to you dear readers, as we are Doctors ourselves. We received our certificates from GoDaddy.com.

In the face of adversity, we stand united, fueled by a fervent determination to unravel the tangled web of lies that ensnare us. We will not rest until the truth is laid bare for all to see, like a fat man on a nude beach. Until justice is served, like a bowl of SpaghettiOs. And until the light of truth illuminates the darkest corners of deceit like Batman did in that one movie one time. We will find a cure for Super Cancer and help all those celebrities currently affected by it!

Join us, fellow truth-seekers, as we march forward in our quest for transparency and accountability. Together, we will tear down the walls of deception, lego by lego, until the truth shines forth like a glow-in-the-dark dildo in the night.

In the words of the late Queen Elizabeth II, "I have to be seen to be believed." Let us heed her wisdom, and together, let us build a world where truth is not merely seen, but revered, cherished, and above all, upheld.